Law of First Loyalty

I was 19 years old, in my first job as a typist. We had a client deadline and it was mine to meet. It meant working all weekend. Summer and youth being what they are, I sacrificed to the gods of pleasure instead of labor, and I didn't get the work done. Ever glib, I asked a co-worker to cover me, to lie for me. Not only did she refuse, she told our boss what'd I'd asked of her. After the dust and a bunch of my yanked feathers settled, I discovered I was hurt by my friend's refusal, but cured of telling whoppers to cover my secretarial behind. I also learned the Law of First Loyalty.

We go into first jobs needing awhile to sort out how different life is in our office than in a high school algebra test, where the casually tipped paper isn't cheating, we tell ourselves; it's an expected perk of friendship. Work is more complicated than that.

It was both wrong and stupid to ask my friend to lie, but what ABOUT friendship? Relationships matter more than anything in the workplace. What happens if something bad is coming and it will affect your friend and you're supposed to keep it confidential? You have to think of yourself first and how much risk you'll be taking if you tip off your friend. Most of the time the risk is minimal and you'll help the relationship by the tip-off. But if you stand to lose by helping the friend, you just can't. That's the assessment the friend made who couldn't hint to YOU about a steamroller headed your way.

It hurts to be on the receiving end of that. You can learn a valuable lesson, though. If the risk was so-so and you got flattened because your friend didn't warn you, your pal just told you loud and clear where the friendship stood relative to the job.

Over the long haul, I think it's better to look for ways to help the friend. Relationships mean more and last longer than most employment. Business rolls on and over people; no matter the company's official PR, the business always matters more. It isn't evil; it's just the nature of enterprise. You're a fool to pay unwavering homage to it, hoping you'll be spared pain, being passed over, being demoted. You're smart to be aware of how it works, give it its due, but count on relationships.

This is a very tricky stream to navigate. A summary outline:

Negative event looms over the horizon.
Will it hurt me?

Yes. Take care of yourself. Is there a way you can help a friend?
No. Don't do anything stupid to hurt yourself, but help the friend.

THE POINT: Help your friends when you can. But don't forget where your first loyalty lies. . .in your shiny Cordovan shoes.

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Rose Jonas, Ph.D.
The Job Doctor
jobdoc@aol.com
www.jobdoctoronline.com