Be Happy Anyway

As much as possible I want you to live your dream, and I push clients relentlessly in that direction. As much as I ballyhoo the longed-for path, I also know how unachievable it can seem at times in our lives. You may have a passionate desire as well as hampering restraints based on other life choices. What should you do if you CAN'T leave your job?

It often comes down to one of three things: (1) It would take you away from your family or alter their lives in ways you don't believe is fair; (2) You're making money you need and just can't see across that five-year chasm of unpredictability to risk it; (3) You don't have the courage to make the move now.

You're right. You CAN'T go. Too much is at stake; the dream isn't as compelling as you thought; the timing is wrong. If that's your feeling, then it's also your truth. Honor it. Stay. But. . .

What often happens at this impasse is the dreamer begins to "Yes, but. . ." the decision. Unwilling to accept his unpleasant practicality, and trying to make people believe they are responsible for the dream he didn't pursue, he stays miserable in the present. Now THERE'S a set-up for endless misery.

Forget it. Put the dream down. Live your life as if you agree with the decision you've made. What do you do with the unhappiness over your current state? First, dive headfirst into that decision and own it. Embrace the family you sidestepped your dream for. Look for ways to be more useful in a job that's lost its zing. Go get another job like it if you just can't stand the place. Next, look for ways to make your life happy in place. Can you find chunks of your dream you can pursue now? Be an EMT if you can't go to medical school. Take a cooking class if you can't ditch the family and go to the Culinary Institute of America. Work on a master's in human resource management if you can't chuck it all to be an independent consultant. You want to be a novelist but can't escape to a cabin to dance with your muse. You can, however, write for an hour after the kids go to bed.

Keep the dream alive. If your kids will be in college five years from now and you'll be freer, maybe you should be saving money for your own education. Keep yourself in the field, meeting people who may later be teachers or helpers. Keep planning and figuring. Don't cast your dream into the chasm of despair and bitterness. This is what you chose. Be content with your choice. Look for other ways to grow. See what you can do in the moment to keep the dream alive and to be doing things now that can later make it come true.

Do you see the point? Decide to stay and let go of the dream as gnawer at your tummy. Make yourself happy in place. It isn't any one else's fault that you made this decision. But keep the dream alive; see if there isn't a way to work at it each day.

Until you have the "get out of my way" feeling in your gut for these risky heart-objectives, you're not ready. Deal with it and make your life happy.

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Rose Jonas, Ph.D.
The Job Doctor
jobdoc@aol.com
www.jobdoctoronline.com